Simon H’s Fancy Dress Party

Well, recovering from a night at the Cranleigh Hotel is never an easy job, but today was especially frightening. Simon H’s birthday turned into a fancy-dress free-for-all, with your wibblery host rolling up as Osama bin Laden, while erstwhile partner Jac tottered around as a very impressive giant set of male genitals. With a convenient flap in the front in case the bladder needed a good empty. Brilliant! Well done him. Elsewhere, there were a couple of surgeons (Michelle and Becki), Elvis, Cruella de Vil, and a whole host of fetching outfits. One especially chucklesome moment came in the men’s toilets, when Jac in his phallic costume was relieving himself after a succession of wet pints. Another man entered, unaware of the fancy dress party, and looked bemused at the set of genitals that stood before him. After a few seconds had passed, Jac turned to face him, and slowly uttered the immortal words, “Just … pretend … everything … is … normal“. With that, the man dissolved into giggles, couldn’t follow through, so to speak, and left. Believe me, it was a surreal moment that won’t leave my addled brain for a while…