Course Ended

Well, my course is over, and my head is nearly exploding with facts and figures. I waved goodbye to my hotel yesterday night, after an eventful few days. After the chaos of the power cut, I assumed there would be nothing that annoyed me more. However, I was plainly wrong. The second day heralded the arrival of two man occupying either side of my room. One was an ex-army soldier, and the other was a rather plump middle-aged businessman, who managed to cough every thirty seconds. That night, as i settled down and turned off my light, I hoped the coughing had ceased. It had. Lovely, I thought. I closed my eyes, and started to drift off.
SnnnooOOOORRRRREEEE, the businessman said.
SnNNNNNNOOOORRREEE, the businessman repeated.
Half and hour later, I gave up and turned the light on again. 11.53pm. Must be some news on TV, I thought, so I turned it on. Then, from the other side, a watery sound slowly started, as if someone was poured a lot of water into a sink. Utter horror crossed my face as I realised what it was: not to be outdone, the ex-soldier was steadily urinating into the CENTRE of the loo, making the loudest sound possible. It was as if he was showing off.
At 1.30, after 3 loo visits from the ex-soldier, I decided to admit defeat and bury my head under the pillow. The ex-soldier could drain his python all night long; the businessman could snore for England as far as I was concerned – I could hear a thing.
I woke up the next morning to find that my entire head was numb. Blasted pillow. As I trundled down to breakfast, I noticed two door knockers outside the restaurant. I picked them up and brought them into the dining area – an action I now regret, as the entire giggling restaurant staff now know me as the “Man with Two Knockers”.
The general idea of my stay is that the bill is picked up by my company, but any newspapers or drinks I buy, I should pay for. That’s fair, I thought, it should only be about 4 pounds. I approached the desk to check out with a fiver in my hand.
“That’ll be 112 pounds and 20 pence please sir,” the polite lady informed me. Oh, I thought. “I have a fiver, will that do?” I enquired. The lady asked if I have enjoyed the 3 bottles of wine to a total of 110 pounds I had consumed the previous evening. No, I replied, before examining the bill and explaining the simple rules of decimal points and division. After reds faces all round, the bill was modified to 4 pounds 13 pence, and I was on my merry way.
I’ll miss the place…