We will never drink again.

I’m very lucky to have several great friends. I’m also lucky that as least some of them are close enough to go drinking with. Last weekend, Nick and I went out into Guildford, put the world to rights over a few pints of beer – and then ruined our bodies and our memories in Harpers nightclub, drinking for England and dancing for Britain. We were so drunk, in fact, that we got a taxi the 25 miles back to his house in New Haw and then remembered that Nick had left his house keys back in Guildford. That was an expensive taxi ride, let me assure you.
And then, last night, Jac and I painted the town a slightly mauve colour. Again, I have declared I an never drinking again – at least until next time. Our bodies are wrecks, our heads are pounding. On the upside, we met a very nice guy in a hat – who turned out to be Galileo from the hit West End musical We Will Rock You, out on the town with his minder and tearing up the dancefloor. However, that’s one of very few memories. Jac has just summed it up nicely in an email to me, titled “Never Again”:
“Dear Simon,” it begins.

“Just a quick note to let you know that I am never EVER going on a night out with you again. Not only do I have barely any recollection of being in Harpers at all and absolutely no idea of how we got home, but I have felt decidedly awful for the entire day. It was all I could do to not vomit on the platform at Guildford station and the smell of Burger King fries on my half eight tube journey made me so close to vomiting that a fellow passenger asked if I was feeling ok.
To make matters worse, I appear to have given my phone number to a stalker. Assuming it is a she, she is probably an ugly stalker too. I have had eleven text messages and two calls this afternoon. I didn’t answer the calls and only replied to the first couple of texts. No doubt I am going to have to get Orange to block her number. Just great.
Next time we are going to sit in my flat in Putney with cups of herbal tea and discuss carbon footprints, the wispiness of Boris Johnson’s hair and the LBW rule.

Jack”